6 Ways to Show Yourself Compassion (When Caring for Others)

In the whirlwind of caregiving, compassion towards ourselves often takes a backseat. Yet, if love and compassion are fundamental, why do we struggle to embody them consistently? Evolutionary biology wired us for survival, not necessarily well-being, leading to a pronounced negativity bias where threats overshadow safety. However, we can recalibrate our systems through compassionate training and practice, nurturing self-compassion even amidst the chaos of parenting.

Practice self-kindness

When negative self-talk arises, pause, notice, and instead speak to yourself as you would a dear friend or your child experiencing a difficult situation. As you practice extending kindness to yourself, your inner critic will start to soften, and a loving, compassionate, wiser self will emerge. Engage in the powerful practice of writing a self-compassion letter, to foster this gentler, wiser inner dialogue.

Discover your safe place

Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and envision a safe haven. It may be a beach, a mountain top, or a memory of a place you often visited as a child. Take a few minutes to journal and describe in detail what this place looks, feels, and maybe even smells like. Now, create a visual representation of your safe place through drawing, gathering images on Pinterest, or creating a collage. During stress, refer to this image to anchor yourself in safety. Take this tool deeper, by trying the safe place meditation.

Embrace Mindfulness

Mindful contemplation is a means to transcend the limitations of our conditioned thinking. It offers a pathway to access a state of being beyond the fluctuations of the mind, fostering a sense of presence and contentment. When we understand the interplay and power of the mind's drive and threat systems, mindfulness allows us access to a third space—the soothing system—where one can find refuge and experience a deep sense of ease and connection. Through mindfulness, you will observe thoughts and emotions without letting them dictate your responses, allowing space for self-compassion to flourish.

Soothe with compassionate self-touch

Physical gestures, even to yourself, can have a powerful calming effect, helping to reduce stress and promote feelings of safety and comfort. Self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff developed this simple yet profound way to soothe stress and cultivate self-compassion through tactile connection.

Hand-on-Heart

  • Take 2-3 deep, satisfying breaths when you notice you're under stress.

  • Gently place your hand over your heart, feeling your hand's gentle pressure and warmth.

  • If you wish, place both hands on your chest, noticing the difference between one and two hands.

  • Feel the touch of your hand on your chest. You could make small circles with your hand on your chest.

  • Feel your chest's natural rising and falling as you breathe in and out.

  • Linger with the feeling for as long as you like.

Recognize Your Shared Humanity

Everyone faces challenges, makes mistakes, questions their parenting, and suffers from shame. It is a universal part of being human. We’ve learned that the human mind is evolutionarily wired for striving and negativity, not well-being. Normalizing your experiences by acknowledging that all parents face similar challenges fosters empathy towards yourself and others.

Embrace Awe

Engaging in awe-inspiring experiences regularly is proven to boost happiness and foster a sense of interconnectedness. Weekly take awe walks where you immerse yourself in the beauty of your surroundings without thinking about your steps or focusing on a specific destination. Notice your body’s response during moments. Do you have goosebumps, warmth in your heart, or a desire to share the experience? Embracing awe allows us to tap into the profound beauty of the world around us, fostering gratitude and deepening our connection to the awe-inspiring moments of life.

Caregiving presents a myriad of challenges that can strain our self-compassion, yet it is precisely amidst these trials that cultivating kindness towards ourselves becomes indispensable. By embracing practices of self-kindness, mindfulness, and compassionate touch, and recognizing our shared humanity and the power of awe, we can foster a deeper well of self-compassion to draw from as we navigate the complexities of parenthood.

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10 Self-Guided Grounding Practices

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How to Write a Self-Compassion Letter