6 Ways to Show Yourself Compassion (When Caring for Others)
In the whirlwind of caregiving, compassion towards ourselves often takes a backseat. Yet, if love and compassion are fundamental, why do we struggle to embody them consistently? Evolutionary biology wired us for survival, not necessarily well-being, leading to a pronounced negativity bias where threats overshadow safety. However, we can recalibrate our systems through compassionate training and practice, nurturing self-compassion even amidst the chaos of parenting.
Practice self-kindness
When negative self-talk arises, pause, notice, and instead speak to yourself as you would a dear friend or your child experiencing a difficult situation. As you practice extending kindness to yourself, your inner critic will start to soften, and a loving, compassionate, wiser self will emerge. Engage in the powerful practice of writing a self-compassion letter, to foster this gentler, wiser inner dialogue.
Discover your safe place
Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and envision a safe haven. It may be a beach, a mountain top, or a memory of a place you often visited as a child. Take a few minutes to journal and describe in detail what this place looks, feels, and maybe even smells like. Now, create a visual representation of your safe place through drawing, gathering images on Pinterest, or creating a collage. During stress, refer to this image to anchor yourself in safety. Take this tool deeper, by trying the safe place meditation.
Embrace Mindfulness
Mindful contemplation is a means to transcend the limitations of our conditioned thinking. It offers a pathway to access a state of being beyond the fluctuations of the mind, fostering a sense of presence and contentment. When we understand the interplay and power of the mind's drive and threat systems, mindfulness allows us access to a third space—the soothing system—where one can find refuge and experience a deep sense of ease and connection. Through mindfulness, you will observe thoughts and emotions without letting them dictate your responses, allowing space for self-compassion to flourish.
Soothe with compassionate self-touch
Physical gestures, even to yourself, can have a powerful calming effect, helping to reduce stress and promote feelings of safety and comfort. Self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff developed this simple yet profound way to soothe stress and cultivate self-compassion through tactile connection.
Hand-on-Heart
Take 2-3 deep, satisfying breaths when you notice you're under stress.
Gently place your hand over your heart, feeling your hand's gentle pressure and warmth.
If you wish, place both hands on your chest, noticing the difference between one and two hands.
Feel the touch of your hand on your chest. You could make small circles with your hand on your chest.
Feel your chest's natural rising and falling as you breathe in and out.
Linger with the feeling for as long as you like.
Recognize Your Shared Humanity
Everyone faces challenges, makes mistakes, questions their parenting, and suffers from shame. It is a universal part of being human. We’ve learned that the human mind is evolutionarily wired for striving and negativity, not well-being. Normalizing your experiences by acknowledging that all parents face similar challenges fosters empathy towards yourself and others.
Embrace Awe
Engaging in awe-inspiring experiences regularly is proven to boost happiness and foster a sense of interconnectedness. Weekly take awe walks where you immerse yourself in the beauty of your surroundings without thinking about your steps or focusing on a specific destination. Notice your body’s response during moments. Do you have goosebumps, warmth in your heart, or a desire to share the experience? Embracing awe allows us to tap into the profound beauty of the world around us, fostering gratitude and deepening our connection to the awe-inspiring moments of life.
Caregiving presents a myriad of challenges that can strain our self-compassion, yet it is precisely amidst these trials that cultivating kindness towards ourselves becomes indispensable. By embracing practices of self-kindness, mindfulness, and compassionate touch, and recognizing our shared humanity and the power of awe, we can foster a deeper well of self-compassion to draw from as we navigate the complexities of parenthood.